i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Randomize
