I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
