Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
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