WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
