maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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