trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
whose parrot is this?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
