Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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