Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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