I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
