I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
