I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
