Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
