he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
