Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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