4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
