You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
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