Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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