So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
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