Yo dont text me then not text me
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Randomize
