I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
