It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Randomize
