Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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