I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
