woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
