sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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