Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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