After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
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