i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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