I think I am morally bankrupt
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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