I'm drive I can fine osifer
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
