I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
