Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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