Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Randomize
