The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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