drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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