before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
