Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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