I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Randomize
