There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
So squirting runs in the family.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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