i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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