Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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