Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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