you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Randomize
