I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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