Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
