Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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