i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Do you still have your period?
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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