Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
