You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
