I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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