Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
