i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
