Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Randomize
